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Smile needs because .....
Frown and you frown alone, but smile and the whole world smiles with you. Not just any smile will do, though. With 19 variations on the smile, including 16 produced by enjoyable emotions, smiling is an incredibly important part of our lives. If you're looking to develop a genuine, infectious smile that can make a bad date turn good, seal a business deal, or help you make friends wherever you go, this blog will help you on your way. It's fun, fast, and easy! But best of all, it's a natural way to make yourself and others feel really good.
1. Enjoy the many benefits of a smile.
The following benefits are bound to make you lean towards sharing a smile with others most of the day:
* Smiles improve your appearance. Charles Gordy once quipped: "A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks". All you need to do is think about how you feel about a person who is frowning and a person who is smiling – who tends to be the better looking?
* Smiles make things right again and say much more than words can. If you've goofed, said something less than complimentary, feel lost or alone, or feel down, a smile can set things right again. A smile lets other people know that you're prepared to be open to them, and that you're willingly agreeing to set things right where needed.
* Smiles create trust and rapport. A smile is a great way of establishing mutual feelings of being on the same level as others, whether that is one-to-one or in front of a group giving a presentation. A smile says "I'm OK, you're OK, and we're all going to enjoy one another's company".
* Smiles make you feel good. Even if you're feeling a little blue, insert happy thoughts into your mind and just add that smile. The smile will trick your mind into feeling better, as endorphins are released to reduce physical or emotional stress.
* Smiles make other people feel good. An open-mouthed smile is visible from further away than a frown, offering people reassurance that you're friendly. And it makes people feel better to see a smile, from afar or close up.
* Wrinkles are better when they're smile lines rather than frown lines. Mark Twain said: "Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been"; viewed this way, smiles are an indication of your overall character, which becomes more and more outwardly telling as you age!
* Smiling is a good long-term predictor of happier life outcomes. Smiling attracts health, happiness, friends, success, and a longer life.
2. A smile lights up your face
Become comfortable with smiling. If you're not used to smiling regularly, overcoming your nervousness or cynicism about smiling can take a little practice but like any habit, it's easy to reform with time. Some things to keep in mind include:
* A smile always looks good. Feeling nervous about the beauty or appearance of your smile is unnecessary. Trust that your smile makes you look great.
* A smile is professional. Smiling at work or during other professional occasions is not going to make you seem unprofessional. Quite the opposite, a smile will humanize you and make you appear more approachable. People will appreciate your recognition of their worth and of a job well done when you smile.
* A smile makes you real. If you're afraid of appearing vulnerable when you smile, accept that any form of vulnerability suggested by a smile is precisely what makes it such a powerful act. You're opening yourself up to others and people will respond better to that than to a serious, unmoved demeanor. Moreover, a smile accompanied by an assertive personality will take care of any sense that people will use your smile to walk all over you!
3. Make your smile genuine.
While it is perfectly possible to crack a smile when you feel terrible, angry, annoyed, or you're up to something nefarious, a genuine smile is much harder to fake; indeed, only around 10 percent of the population can manage that feat. A genuine smile is detectable by others because it is accompanied by a general glow, smiling eyes where the outer corners crinkle and the lower lid tightens, and a reassuring demeanor that helps the viewer to feel more at ease in your presence. A genuine smile comes from being happy, positive, and from drawing your feelings from the heart.
* Think happy thoughts. The easiest way to a fantastic, genuine smile is to be happy. Think about someone you care about (perhaps the person standing in front of you as you smile), about something that you genuinely love to do, or think of a funny joke that you just find hilarious. Or think about the happiest moments in your life.
* Be genuine. Draw on your heartfelt feelings, not just rationalizations. When you're confronted by a person or situation that makes you feel ambivalent and you're oscillating between giving the cold shoulder or smiling, err on the side of smiling – find one single thing in your heart that is positive about the person or situation before you, and use that to create your smile.
* Love people and your life. It's much easier to produce friendly, easygoing, genuine smiles when you love what you do, when you love the people around you, and when you love humanity in general. Be grateful for all that you have and you'll find smiles come far more naturally.
* Be playful. Intense times can make us too serious. See life as an adventure, be gentle on yourself and watch children at play. Being playful will bring a smile to your face much more easily.
4. Smiles are contagious.
Smile with your eyes. A wholehearted smile will naturally draw in the eyes. It is commonplace to hear a person say "her eyes were smiling", or to say "he didn't mean it; he was smiling but his eyes weren't". The eyes are essential for a genuine, warm smile. Your eyes light up, twinkle, and reflect your happiness. While it's hard to fake this unless you're really feeling it, you can try this exercise:
* To get a feel for how to make your eyes smile, stand in front of a mirror and practice smiling, but concentrate only on your eyes. You may find it helpful to cover the lower part of your face with a piece of paper. Play around with it a bit, and you'll find that you can make your mouth smile when your eyes aren't smiling, and you can also smile only with your eyes. When your eyes do smile, remember how it feels, which muscles are working and how. With practice, you may discover how to smile with your eyes at will by relying on your feelings and muscle memory.
5. Practice your smile.
There is no harm in practicing your smile – doing so will increase your smiling confidence, improve your sense of well-being, and help you to learn which of your smiles are your best. Look at photos of yourself smiling, with a closed mouth, open mouth, and from different angles. Which smiles and poses make your face light up the most? Which smile displays your other features to their best possible advantage? Which smile comes across as the most natural, the most "you"?
* Find that picture and focus on what your face is doing. Then practice in front of a mirror until you get it just right. Keep practicing, and pay attention to how that great smile feels, so that you'll be able to replicate it without looking in a mirror. Soon it will become second nature, and you'll likely find that you'll look more photogenic in your next batch of pictures.
* If you want to improve your smile, look at pictures of smiles you believe are beautiful. Also, remember that you're beautiful (inside and out); your smile is bound to look better if you feel good about yourself!
* Note the difference between a smile and a grin. Grins bare a lot more teeth (think Cheshire Cat) and are not necessarily flattering on all people, although for some people they can make you appear cute. If you're prone to grinning and it's not doing your appearance any favors, try showing only your upper teeth when you smile. Showing your lower teeth can make it seem you're baring your teeth.
* When showing teeth, pressing the tongue behind the teeth will make small gaps look less noticeable.
* Practice smiling at random strangers. Make a choice that you'll do this, make brief eye contact with a person, and smile. As you do so, think happy thoughts (it helps to choose someone attractive to begin with). Don't choose a person with sunglasses; you need to see their eyes. Not everyone will smile back but note how you feel when they do!
6.Maintain good mouth hygiene.
One thing that can cause you to fear smiling is the worry that there is something stuck between your teeth, or that you have bad breath. Eliminate these hygiene sources of worry by taking active steps to keep your mouth fresh and clean. Brush your teeth regularly, carry floss with you wherever you go so that you can clean up after dining, and have breath freshener on you at all times (natural or commercial). In addition, see your dentist regularly for teeth check-ups and cleaning, as well as discussing options for teeth straightening, etc., if this is a concern for you. When you smile people will inevitably look at your mouth, so following these considerations will help you make a better impression, and, more importantly, a healthy mouth will make you feel more confident about smiling.
* Visit the dentist for a polishing or whitening. If your teeth are stained, consider your lifestyle habits that bring this about and try to minimize the impacts of such habits as smoking or drinking too much red wine, etc.
* Keep your lips in great shape to prevent chapping.
* Deal with bad breath. If it's surface, cleaning and fresheners should be adequate. If these do not work, it may be a sign of an underlying health problem, so see your doctor for advice.
7. Expect smiling to be difficult in some situations.
Smiling on demand can be difficult, whether it's for a photo or for the sake of keeping mom happy when the relatives you can't stand visit. This is because you are feeling self-conscious or you lack a genuine reason for smiling. In these sorts of cases, smiling needs to come from your memory of good smiles along with a little self-kidding or jokes in the head.
* For a photo, smile 20 percent more than you think you should.
* Smile wide and show the top row of teeth.
* Return to the earlier steps on thinking happy and practicing your smile. Simply know that you can do this without faking it. In doing so, when it comes to the more difficult people in your life, offering them a smile will also be a means by which you're accepting others for who they are and what they have to offer to the world, rather than worrying too much about their impact on you.
Frown and you frown alone, but smile and the whole world smiles with you. Not just any smile will do, though. With 19 variations on the smile, including 16 produced by enjoyable emotions, smiling is an incredibly important part of our lives. If you're looking to develop a genuine, infectious smile that can make a bad date turn good, seal a business deal, or help you make friends wherever you go, this blog will help you on your way. It's fun, fast, and easy! But best of all, it's a natural way to make yourself and others feel really good.
1. Enjoy the many benefits of a smile.
The following benefits are bound to make you lean towards sharing a smile with others most of the day:
* Smiles improve your appearance. Charles Gordy once quipped: "A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks". All you need to do is think about how you feel about a person who is frowning and a person who is smiling – who tends to be the better looking?
* Smiles make things right again and say much more than words can. If you've goofed, said something less than complimentary, feel lost or alone, or feel down, a smile can set things right again. A smile lets other people know that you're prepared to be open to them, and that you're willingly agreeing to set things right where needed.
* Smiles create trust and rapport. A smile is a great way of establishing mutual feelings of being on the same level as others, whether that is one-to-one or in front of a group giving a presentation. A smile says "I'm OK, you're OK, and we're all going to enjoy one another's company".
* Smiles make you feel good. Even if you're feeling a little blue, insert happy thoughts into your mind and just add that smile. The smile will trick your mind into feeling better, as endorphins are released to reduce physical or emotional stress.
* Smiles make other people feel good. An open-mouthed smile is visible from further away than a frown, offering people reassurance that you're friendly. And it makes people feel better to see a smile, from afar or close up.
* Wrinkles are better when they're smile lines rather than frown lines. Mark Twain said: "Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been"; viewed this way, smiles are an indication of your overall character, which becomes more and more outwardly telling as you age!
* Smiling is a good long-term predictor of happier life outcomes. Smiling attracts health, happiness, friends, success, and a longer life.
2. A smile lights up your face
Become comfortable with smiling. If you're not used to smiling regularly, overcoming your nervousness or cynicism about smiling can take a little practice but like any habit, it's easy to reform with time. Some things to keep in mind include:
* A smile always looks good. Feeling nervous about the beauty or appearance of your smile is unnecessary. Trust that your smile makes you look great.
* A smile is professional. Smiling at work or during other professional occasions is not going to make you seem unprofessional. Quite the opposite, a smile will humanize you and make you appear more approachable. People will appreciate your recognition of their worth and of a job well done when you smile.
* A smile makes you real. If you're afraid of appearing vulnerable when you smile, accept that any form of vulnerability suggested by a smile is precisely what makes it such a powerful act. You're opening yourself up to others and people will respond better to that than to a serious, unmoved demeanor. Moreover, a smile accompanied by an assertive personality will take care of any sense that people will use your smile to walk all over you!
3. Make your smile genuine.
While it is perfectly possible to crack a smile when you feel terrible, angry, annoyed, or you're up to something nefarious, a genuine smile is much harder to fake; indeed, only around 10 percent of the population can manage that feat. A genuine smile is detectable by others because it is accompanied by a general glow, smiling eyes where the outer corners crinkle and the lower lid tightens, and a reassuring demeanor that helps the viewer to feel more at ease in your presence. A genuine smile comes from being happy, positive, and from drawing your feelings from the heart.
* Think happy thoughts. The easiest way to a fantastic, genuine smile is to be happy. Think about someone you care about (perhaps the person standing in front of you as you smile), about something that you genuinely love to do, or think of a funny joke that you just find hilarious. Or think about the happiest moments in your life.
* Be genuine. Draw on your heartfelt feelings, not just rationalizations. When you're confronted by a person or situation that makes you feel ambivalent and you're oscillating between giving the cold shoulder or smiling, err on the side of smiling – find one single thing in your heart that is positive about the person or situation before you, and use that to create your smile.
* Love people and your life. It's much easier to produce friendly, easygoing, genuine smiles when you love what you do, when you love the people around you, and when you love humanity in general. Be grateful for all that you have and you'll find smiles come far more naturally.
* Be playful. Intense times can make us too serious. See life as an adventure, be gentle on yourself and watch children at play. Being playful will bring a smile to your face much more easily.
4. Smiles are contagious.
Smile with your eyes. A wholehearted smile will naturally draw in the eyes. It is commonplace to hear a person say "her eyes were smiling", or to say "he didn't mean it; he was smiling but his eyes weren't". The eyes are essential for a genuine, warm smile. Your eyes light up, twinkle, and reflect your happiness. While it's hard to fake this unless you're really feeling it, you can try this exercise:
* To get a feel for how to make your eyes smile, stand in front of a mirror and practice smiling, but concentrate only on your eyes. You may find it helpful to cover the lower part of your face with a piece of paper. Play around with it a bit, and you'll find that you can make your mouth smile when your eyes aren't smiling, and you can also smile only with your eyes. When your eyes do smile, remember how it feels, which muscles are working and how. With practice, you may discover how to smile with your eyes at will by relying on your feelings and muscle memory.
5. Practice your smile.
There is no harm in practicing your smile – doing so will increase your smiling confidence, improve your sense of well-being, and help you to learn which of your smiles are your best. Look at photos of yourself smiling, with a closed mouth, open mouth, and from different angles. Which smiles and poses make your face light up the most? Which smile displays your other features to their best possible advantage? Which smile comes across as the most natural, the most "you"?
* Find that picture and focus on what your face is doing. Then practice in front of a mirror until you get it just right. Keep practicing, and pay attention to how that great smile feels, so that you'll be able to replicate it without looking in a mirror. Soon it will become second nature, and you'll likely find that you'll look more photogenic in your next batch of pictures.
* If you want to improve your smile, look at pictures of smiles you believe are beautiful. Also, remember that you're beautiful (inside and out); your smile is bound to look better if you feel good about yourself!
* Note the difference between a smile and a grin. Grins bare a lot more teeth (think Cheshire Cat) and are not necessarily flattering on all people, although for some people they can make you appear cute. If you're prone to grinning and it's not doing your appearance any favors, try showing only your upper teeth when you smile. Showing your lower teeth can make it seem you're baring your teeth.
* When showing teeth, pressing the tongue behind the teeth will make small gaps look less noticeable.
* Practice smiling at random strangers. Make a choice that you'll do this, make brief eye contact with a person, and smile. As you do so, think happy thoughts (it helps to choose someone attractive to begin with). Don't choose a person with sunglasses; you need to see their eyes. Not everyone will smile back but note how you feel when they do!
6.Maintain good mouth hygiene.
One thing that can cause you to fear smiling is the worry that there is something stuck between your teeth, or that you have bad breath. Eliminate these hygiene sources of worry by taking active steps to keep your mouth fresh and clean. Brush your teeth regularly, carry floss with you wherever you go so that you can clean up after dining, and have breath freshener on you at all times (natural or commercial). In addition, see your dentist regularly for teeth check-ups and cleaning, as well as discussing options for teeth straightening, etc., if this is a concern for you. When you smile people will inevitably look at your mouth, so following these considerations will help you make a better impression, and, more importantly, a healthy mouth will make you feel more confident about smiling.
* Visit the dentist for a polishing or whitening. If your teeth are stained, consider your lifestyle habits that bring this about and try to minimize the impacts of such habits as smoking or drinking too much red wine, etc.
* Keep your lips in great shape to prevent chapping.
* Deal with bad breath. If it's surface, cleaning and fresheners should be adequate. If these do not work, it may be a sign of an underlying health problem, so see your doctor for advice.
7. Expect smiling to be difficult in some situations.
Smiling on demand can be difficult, whether it's for a photo or for the sake of keeping mom happy when the relatives you can't stand visit. This is because you are feeling self-conscious or you lack a genuine reason for smiling. In these sorts of cases, smiling needs to come from your memory of good smiles along with a little self-kidding or jokes in the head.
* For a photo, smile 20 percent more than you think you should.
* Smile wide and show the top row of teeth.
* Return to the earlier steps on thinking happy and practicing your smile. Simply know that you can do this without faking it. In doing so, when it comes to the more difficult people in your life, offering them a smile will also be a means by which you're accepting others for who they are and what they have to offer to the world, rather than worrying too much about their impact on you.
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Hi All,
Yesterday, I was driving, and the FM radio went off for few seconds. I thought, I should have an iPod. Then suddenly I realized that I have not used my iPod in last 6 months. And then… more things, Handy cam in last 2 years, Digital Camera in last 2 months, DVD player in last 1 month and many more. Now I can say that I bought that Handy cam just out of impulse, I have used it twice only in last 4 years.
So, what’s wrong and where? When I look at myself or my friends I can see it everywhere. We are not happy with what we have but all are stressed and not happy for the things we don’t have. You have a Santro, but you want City… You have a City, but you want Skoda. Just after buying a new phone, we need another one. Better laptop, bigger TV, faster car, bigger house, more money… .I mean, these examples are endless. The point is, does it actually worth? Do we ever think if we actually need those things before we want them?
After this, I was forced to think what I need and what I don’t. May be I didn’t need this Handy cam or the iPod or that DVD player. When I see my father back at home. He has a simple BPL colour TV, he doesn’t need 32″ Sony LCD wall mount. He has a cell phone worth Rs 2,500. Whenever I ask him to change the phone, he always says… “Its a phone, I need this just for calls.” And believe me; he is much happier in life than me with those limited resources and simple gadgets. The very basic reason why he is happy with so little is that he doesn’t want things in life to make it luxurious, but he wants only those things which are making his life easier. It’s a very fine line between these two, but after looking my father’s life style closely, I got the point. He needs a cell phone but not the iPhone. He needs a TV but not the 32″ plasma. He needs a car but not an expensive one.
Initially I had lot of questions.
I am earning good, still I am not happy…...why ?
I have all luxuries, still I am stressed.... ....... why ?
I had a great weekend, still I am feeling tired...... why?
I met lot of people, I thought over it again and again, I still don’t know if I got the answers, but certainly figured out few things. I realize that one thing which is keeping me stressed is the “stay connected” syndrome. I realized that, at home also I am logged in on messengers, checking mails, using social networks, and on the top of that, the windows mobile is not letting me disconnected. On the weekend itself, trying to avoid unwanted calls… and that is keeping my mind always full of stress. I realized that I am spending far lesser money than what I earn, even then I am always worried about money and more money. I realized that I am saving enough money I would ever need, whenever needed. Still I am stressed about job and salary and spends.
May be, many people will call this approach “not progressive attitude”, but I want my life back. Ultimately it’s a single life, a day gone is a day gone. I believe if I am not happy tonight, I’ll never be happy tomorrow morning. I finally realized that meeting friends, spending quality time with your loved one’s; spending time with yourself is the most important thing. If on Sunday you are alone and you don’t have anybody to talk with, then all that luxuries life, all that money is wasted. May be cutting down your requirements, re-calculating your future goal in the light of today’s happiness is a worthwhile thing to do. May be selling off your Santro and
buying Honda City on EMIs is not a good idea. I believe putting your
happiness ahead of money is the choice we need to make.
I think, a lot can be said and done but what we need the most is re-evaluation of the value of happiness and time we are giving to our life and people associated with it
Understanding The Ego Mind
Man is an evolved animal, and though we struggle for existence like other animals, we have a highly evolved thinking process and reasoning ability. But, our selfish tendencies stem from our struggle for existence, and are a part of our animal behavior. With the process of evolution from animal to man, these tendencies have also evolved, but there is a distinct difference between the predisposition of animals and man. While animals are selfish to the needs and necessities of life, like food, shelter and security; man is self-centered and is greedy for power, control and position in life. Selfishness has become a prominent feature of human beings in the process of evolution, and this unconsciously directs our actions towards goals which are primarily for our own benefit. The ego is a human tendency to look for: ‘what’s in it for me’, while all the time it directs our energy and actions to meet the - ‘I’, ‘my’, and ‘me’ agenda. This creates a major conflict between the individuals, and we disregard our relationship with other living beings, and with the universe.
As a student of medicine, I learnt a lot about the conscious and subconscious mind, the emotional mind as well as the thinking mind, but there was never a clear-cut description of what is the ego mind. There was always an ambiguity surrounding the understanding of ego and what role does it play in our lives.
I experienced the development of the ego mind right through my childhood to adulthood even without being aware of it. But, what I realized was that, in order have a sense of self-worth and to live a stress free life, the first thing to be understood is what ego is as the cause of much stress comes from diverse ego states.
Ego is a state of mind or a false center which constantly tries to uphold your own point of view and almost completely disregards that of others. That whole focus of ego is–what is in it for me? It is a kind of a self-centered approach towards life. Even as you pay attention to your ego, it is forever judging who is superior to you or inferior to you. It instigates in you a sense of comparison, which makes you feel good and bad accordingly. It provides a false sense of pride; driven by selfish agenda that makes us head towards greed and self satiating acts, which in turn can leave us unhappy and discontented.
Through developing a deeper understanding of this seen and unseen connection, which is infinite in nature, one can begin to consciously elevate the ego aspect of mind and harmonize one’s thoughts, words, and actions with it and make use of it in a way that creates positive physical life experiences and help one feel fulfilled.
Ego & Stress
The ego comprises attitudes, beliefs and the resultant energies. It believes it is right and everything else is wrong. This disparity from reality produces a tremendous amount of stress and in order to have a meaningful life, it is imperative that we simply let go of the idea that we have the only right opinion. Right or wrong depends on circumstances - what is right for one maybe wrong for the other. Therefore, it is important that we accept the two mutually.
Both ego and stress do not exist in the outside world. But our reaction to what's going on in the outside world depends upon what meaning you are going to give to a given situation by evaluating and judging the events, people and objects in the outer world. Ego creates emotional stress which can be easily handled by understanding how the mind works. It's all about your perception of the outer world, and the biggest instrument to help you understand the meaning of life is your thinking mind or the intellect. The understanding of ego states of mind will definitely help to change the perception and response to stressful situations which are unnecessarily created by our own thinking.
Learning From Life
Looking back at my own life, I had a great childhood when I lived in the village. My mother’s dream was that I should study medicine and become a doctor. From then on, I started experiencing ego states in school when I first started making sense out of this world. I worked hard to stay ahead in competition. Though there were moments of achievements, but most of the time was spent in fear about - what next? In college days, I started experiencing peer pressure like - who is smarter and who’ll get better grades. It was the time I started telling lies about myself and my family and started exaggerating the facts about who I was and what was I doing. My point was to prove myself superior.
Next were the expectations of my family which made me more conscious about finding my place in the world. When I became a doctor and saw other well established and famous doctors, something inside me told me that I must outdo them. My ego made me feel envious about people who were successful and rich. This generated negative feelings within and I began criticizing them. My ego mind pushed me in the right places and egged me on to make more money and become more moneyed and eminent. It gave me the momentum on how to make money in the shortest possible time so that I can prove myself among my friends and relatives. I started working hard and running my life on a ‘fast forward’ mode. Day after day, even as I struggled hard, I felt that time was running out; age was advancing and I had to achieve much more. These feelings of insecurities, fear and stress was not the ‘real’ me - it was my EGO that made me do and think all of this.
Soon, I started losing my hair and was petrified that no girl will ever marry me if I'm bald. It was my ego mind which kept pushing me to get padded fast. In a nutshell, the entire focus of my life was to just prove myself - to my family, friends and relatives. I was always more concerned about the approval of other people, rather than what I felt within myself.
Laughter Set Me Free
Laughter was a great breakthrough in my life which released a lot of stress and tension which I had germinated over the years to pursue my goals and ambitions triggered by my ego mind. By laughing at all of it, the first thing I learnt was that I am not the center of the universe. I realized that even if I had proved myself to the world, they wouldn’t really care because they have their own problems to deal with. They couldn’t be bothered with my feelings or apprehensions.
Feeling a little disillusioned, I then delved into the philosophical side of ego, and my spiritual teacher gave me another definition. He said ego meant edging God out i.e. When you think you are the whole sole doer, and try to take the place of God, you are operating from your ego mind. He explained the gyan mudra or the most commonly used meditative posture in which we join the thumb with the tip of the index finger. He said that the index finger represented arrogance or ego mind, while the thumb symbolized the Universe or God. Thus, by joining the two, we make a complete circle which denotes that we have surrendered everything into the hands of the Universe. It is not about us; it is about a higher energy, a higher force through which the divine manifestation takes place. As the process of reflection and meditation continues, the ego mind soon dissipates. The arrogance of the self fades away; instead one is left with a feeling of humility and selflessness.
Having learnt the spiritual meaning of ego, I underwent a definitive change. My achievements no longer made me arrogant. I did not feel hurt by criticism because I thought it was not about me. I felt like an executive director of a higher power where all things good or bad were his doing – I was just a mere instrument that made them happen. In fact, I give the whole credit of spreading the Laughter movement worldwide in such a short period of time to a divine force, rather than to my own intelligence and smartness.
Ego And Self-Esteem
It is important to understand what self-esteem is and how is it different from ego. Self-esteem combines a healthy regard for the self as well as others, whereas ego, on the other hand, always believes in its own self importance and undermines that of others. Ego always needs outside approval, justification, and constant attention and gratification and believes in its own superiority, but when we express healthy self esteem, we are able to be compassionate without being mutually dependent. We can understand the viewpoints of others and have a real concern in them.
Those with healthy self esteem have healthy boundaries which lead to a stable and content life. There is no danger of an inflated ego that can lead to unpleasant situations. Another virtue of high self-esteem is being patient, as impatience is frequently a sign of egoistical people. Sometimes our impatience is the result of our own failures, but when we have a healthy self esteem, we show great endurance, and live our lives strategically enough to cope with situations that require extreme patience.
But, paradoxically, we need ego to get to self-esteem. It is vital to have a certain amount of ego without which a person will develop a low self- esteem, which in turn weakens the self-worth of the person. Therefore, ego is an essential part of one’s being so long as it does not go to a gargantuan magnitude and ruins a person worthiness, potential and sensitivity. Always remember to chide your ego if it starts running away with your emotions; learn to weed out the unhealthy component from your ego and head towards a more complete life with compassion, humility and generosity – the sole ingredients for a happy life.
How To Dissolve Your Ego
Giving is the opposite of ego. Your ego wants to control and possess and does not ever want to give. It is always is seeking. Therefore, one exercise to dissolve your ego mind is the spiritual virtue of being generous. Earlier, I noticed that the more I strived for, the more dissatisfied I got. But, when laughter came into my life, I experienced that the more I gave, the more I got. For the first time in my life, I learnt from the laughter movement that one can become rich and famous by giving and not by taking.
Ego - Let Go
Another ego busting exercise is to remove ‘E’ from ego and let it go. But how do we let go. If you understand the following metaphor you'll understand the stress.
Stress is like a rope pulled by two people from two ends. Stretching the rope can be easily relieved if one person on any end let goes. Though there is no guarantee that the other person will let go, but you always have a choice. If you let go there will be no stress and the tension will be mitigated. But, what stops people is the ego mind which tells them to hold on and prove their strength. All you need is to understand is the fact that stress can become chronic if one does not let go of it. Therefore, once you rise above your ego and think from a larger perspective, it will not be hard for you to let go.
Letting go is also about giving freedom to others. I learnt from experience that one of the reasons which built stress in my life was my desire to control other people. As long as I was obsessed with control, I found that stress was building up. The moment I decided to let go and set other people free, it was quite a relief.
Ego Is Necessary To Learn About The Real Self
To fully experience a life of harmony and accomplishment, one has to understand at a deeper level, the role that the ego mind plays in creating the events, conditions and circumstances in your life, and how it can restrict and keep you from experiencing a full life.
Though ego is a false center and provides false tutoring, the fact is that in order to know the real, one has to go through the false, so ego is a must. It is only through an illusion can one gets to know the realty. If you know what is false, the truth by design will dawn upon you.
Ego is a social need and everyone around you is involved in developing it. For instance, parents, school authorities, friends and relations etc are all adding to your ego, and everybody tries to modify it in such a way that you don't become a nuisance to the society. While expectations and approval boosts the ego; criticism and disapproval does the exact opposite. It deflates the ego and balances the mind. It stops you from getting a swollen head. Therefore, when you mature through understanding, awareness, and realize that an inflated ego can be a cause of stress and misery, you will learn to strike a good balance between ‘healthy’ and ‘unhealthy’ ego.
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